The Monster I am Not!

I wish I had emotions when they count the most. There lies the issue. I miss my emotions at times. Everytime I go to sleep I dont close my eyes for a while. I see images rushing past my eyes one at a time. The more they pass by, the better I feel. I have a control over the images. They make me happy and thats when my emotions come in. No I do not need them at that time. In fact, my belief is, never let your emotions come in at any point of your life. Not even while sleeping. Because, the moment it steps in, you have to take care of the mat. That way it gets tougher. I have experienced it.

Some people pretend they are monsters. They like to glorify themselves that way. Its not tough. I try to pretend I am not a monster. That is something which is really tough. I live my life hiding myself, my thoughts or whatever it is I land upon. That is my survival strategy.

The Game I Play

My sins walk beside me, like my shadow. The more I try to conceal them, the more they give away. They are my little friends and I care for them. It completes my survival. That would answer, why I pretend to be lonely most of the times. I dont like company half of the time I am awake. Its peace in some form for me. Human bonds... they lead to complicacy. I cannot make complicated, whats already complicated. And each time I commit one sin, it gives me relief because I am moving towards the end. That way I stick another feather to the cap. My deeds make people wonder. Not like I want to make them wonder, but its like I am saying "Hey wanna play?" and most of the times the subject is "Yes I wanna play". They are the fodder for my sins. And no one is hurt in this game. The game is played with a purpose. A purose, which in no way points towards hurting.

I have tried to be normal like the people around me. But its hard to be normal. The problem with normal people is that they are hostile. And its hard to pretend you are that. That makes my survival even more tougher. Right now I am trying to be normal. But like I said, its hard.

4 AM

.... Later

I am drunk.

So be it, the way it is. Cos it is the way it is, as it is, and was supposed to be, as you see, spontaneous, as it is!

I am sure..... I quoted myself!


I thank life! I thank god! I will live.. till the end of life! I think this is it!

-= More than Two Suns =-

Look at the sky dancing
The trees are colored red and blue
Adore what is not there
Cos you may still find there, a clue.
Groove and blues its like a thousand colors
Who am I to kill the fun
Its just my very own roadside pun!
Adore what was there
Cos its a secret you always knew!
People come and people go
Alone they kill the mocking bird
So what you think is not true
And what you see is more than you thought
We always wake up when we are just not through
Rhyming it wont be fair
And Ive always said im on the otherside
It rises in the east and sets in the west
For me its more than just a sun
Its thirty one seconds of being in the quicksand
I feel alive
And freaked to the core
Cos its been something which I have hidden
Letting it out would be divine fun!
Adore when you died in your nightmare
Its my sin, my little retreat
Ive seen the colors now
Cos flying without wings was not always true
For me its been a sin with punishment due
So adore what is not there
Cos you may still find there, a colored clue.

-= Galactic Sin =-

Collecting emotions lying here in
Its been a long story so far
So dont watch me make up for the time
I may just fly and spin
You have had pinball sharpness
I am still thinking whats that
Whats that which flys ahead of time
No one said this
No one thought this
So now I lie stoned within
And now I am at the top of a tower
Watching the stars in the galaxy
Believing we gonna be there one time
Oh I have been thinking inside my skin
So you have been feeling it
So you have been feeling the same
Pretending theres a mirror
Pretending I am Adam
You still blame me
Calling it was our galactic sin
No one said this
No one thought this
So now I lie stoned within
And watch the shooting stars
Fall there in!

-= Radar View =-

Searched a forest
And its helplessness
Everytime it ends up like this
There you go again
Walking into the forest deep
No matter
How much you fly
How much you hold my hand
You come and lie in your bliss!
Maybe Ive been too pessimistic
But the world goes round
I have had to cross you twice
We have been too high rise
And there I miss you again, sigh
Not everyone here understands this
Experience whats called amiss
Searched a forest
And its helplessness
Everytime it ends up like this
So I call your name
And pretend Ive been there
Maybe I wont miss this time round
And maybe experience whats called amiss!
There you go again
Into the forest deep!

-= My Succubus =-

Seems like I have been sleeping
A thousand years now
It aches my back
Makes me high in a new way
Maybe its just the tao
I think Ive found out
The secret of overactive imagination now
Processed by you
Led by your hands
Its a groove with a violin but how
I stand up and look out the window
Its a dark night
I think its night again once more
Have to wait till the sun shines
Into another tomorrow
Whatever it says
Whatever it means
I would stay up
For living a day to sleep again
And meet my succubus
And feel what you feel now!
No succubus here now
Its real
Maybe I should take a bow
Its nothing but
The secret of overactive imagination now
Whatever it says
Whatever it means
I would stay up
For living a day to sleep again
And meet my succubus
And feel what you feel now!